


3RACHA Weekly

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, No i do not, Other, all the more reasons to make this bullshit, centers mostly on bang chan and jisung and changbin, do i know what i am doing?, i called chan as chris and idk why but hey if it fits then it fits, i think, i'll edit the tags later lol, i'm just self-projecting, this is crack idk why i thought of this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-11-02 06:04:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20646836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Welcome back to ‘3RACHA weekly’ where we humor our viewers with random stories from our lives,” Sung greets enthusiastically, and clapping can be heard from behind the screen, “unfortunately, due to certain events, Binnie and Chris will be a bit late for today’s segment so it’ll just be you, me, and a few minutes of hilarity – if ever that’s present today.”-Alternately: snippets of Jisung, Chan, and Changbin’s lives told in a comedic series, with some featured guests.





	1. Is it illegal to smuggle a group of squirrels? (For the last time, Sung, it’s called a scurry of squirrels, and no, I don’t know)

“So I share an apartment with Changbin and Woojin, right? And I know you guys know Jisung usually spends his time in our place, since we’ve already established that. Anyway, yeah, every day is like, so bizarrely new and the same, it’s actually stupid. Like this one time during Jisung’s visit, he waddled into the living room – _waddled_ into the living room! That was already suspicious enough as it is! How did we miss that feat?” Chris pauses just in time Jisung mutters something that resembled an _‘I’ll have you know I am very skilled in waddling,’_ from his left.

“Anyway, he was wearing this coat that looked so heavy and big on him, and it made him look small. Woojin, ever the observant friend of ours, notices this and goes _‘hey Jisung what’s with the giant coat?’_ which immediately got our attention. And I shit you not, Jisung replied with the most deadpan voice ever and said _‘I smuggled a group of squirrels.’_” Chris lets out a soft chuckle as Changbin cackles at the memory, followed by something that seemed like it was being pushed. Probably Changbin falling down after Jisung tackled him in embarrassment.

Chris clears his throat and continues his story, “Woojin had enough brain cells to correct him that it’s not _a group of squirrels_ but in fact a _scurry of squirrels_, and honestly, we’re pretty sure all our combined brain cells won’t equate to the amount Woojin has, and that’s saying a lot. While that was happening, Changbin and I were just laughing like any local sitcom dad does during early mornings while he reads his newspaper and we both went _‘hahaha classic Jisung, of course he’d do that’ _which, in hindsight, should’ve been a red flag already. Changbin and I do not laugh like any local sitcom dad does during early mornings while reads his newspaper _don’t you even dare to imagine that, especially not with those fake ass mustache _and that Jisung does in fact do that.”

“In continuation to Chris’ spiel: after the realization dawned upon us, Jisung was already cackling. He was slowly unzipping his coat like how one would unzip their coat slowly to reveal what’s underneath, and _would ya look at that! _A scurry of squirrels appearing from inside the clothing and bounding about the whole apartment, and that’s not even the worst part! Little critters running around the place, I think there was about five or six? _God, I’m pretty sure there’re still squirrels in here. _ The three of us – me, Chris, and Woojin, were just staring at Jisung, and I was pretty sure the “I’m not even surprised” look was present in our faces. What’s more, Woojin decided to check the time on his watch and said, _‘Ah, it hasn’t even been 7 a.m. yet,_’ and then we spent the majority of our Saturday trying to catch some critters and return them back to the park, hoping that no one knew what happened. And if some elderly saw us trying to coax a scurry of squirrels out of a high school student’s giant ass coat, well, it’s not like others will believe them, they’re old after all.” Changbin supplied.

“Alright idiots, that’s enough embarrassment for me!” Jisung then proceeded to whack his friends upside their head. Clearing his throat, he continued to speak, “we hope you enjoyed today’s story! Until then, this has been ‘3RACHA weekly’, starring Jisung, Changbin, and Chris.”

Another shuffling was heard, followed by a string of curses before the trio had said their good byes.


	2. Math time is stressing out fun time (This is why you failed your Math class, Jisung)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer, and I made a few tweaks here and there. I’m working on the dynamics between the characters so I hope this turned out fine.

“Today’s segment is about Jisung _claiming_ his favorite subject is Math,” Changbin starts, ignoring the offended gasp from his left, “which is stupid, because once, while doing his homework, he _cried_ for an hour. _One hour _over _one_ math problem_._ One! How could a boy as dumb as Han Jisung confidently claim his favorite subject is the one where you have to use your brain to solve questions?”

“I did not say I was good at it,” Jisung reasons out. “And _besides_, you’re not even that great in that subject either!”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Scoot over, I’m telling the story,” the older male yelps in surprise when Jisung pushes him roughly out of the way. There is a thump before a clear _‘fuck you, choke on a breadstick, you soggy spaghetti’_ can be heard. “I’m going to pretend I heard nothing. _Okay_, so my schedule for Math class is on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, right? During the last week’s class, Sir Math _yes I obviously do not remember the name of our Math teacher leave me alone_ decided to give us homework. Not to flex, but I _totally _got the lesson that time, so I figured, _yeah_, this shit is just going to be easy.”

“Yeah, _totally _got the lesson, sure, but you cried while doing the homework.” Changbin snorts, voice a bit distant for being farther away from the microphone.

“Can you, a rotten tomato, _please_ do not fucking test me,” Jisung pleads exasperatedly, “and can you _not _drink your orange juice in front of me? I’m trying to narrate here!”

Changbin takes a loud sip from his orange juice as a reply.

“You know what? I’m just going to ignore you,” no reaction, just another long and loud sips from his orange juice. “Anyway, it was Thursday, and classes that time ended around two in the afternoon. At that time, I was reminded it was my aunt’s birthday that day, so my presence was definitely needed. The birthday party usually happens in their house, and it was less of a party and more of a family gathering – but who was I to be disappointed about that, when there’s free food?”

“So for the remaining daylight hours, I spent it all on interacting with my aunt’s guests. It was horrible, by the way. Someone asked me if I had a girlfriend right after asking me if I was still in high school! What kind of question was that?! And let’s not get started over the fact someone tried to compare me to one of my cousins again!”

Changbin cleared his throat, just so the younger wouldn’t go off-track even more. “We’re not here to talk about your family angst, Jisung.”

“Shut up,” the boy mumbles in a sulk, “who hired you as my friend anyway?”

“In my defense I thought there was going to be free pizza,” Changbin quips back, “But I was wrong. There was only this hobgoblin child with angst issues. It was less of a friendship and more like a babysitting job.”

“_Ha ha_, very funny, don’t give me that constipated look,” Jisung sarcastically laughs before resuming his narration, “Anyway, it was around nine in the evening when I decided to head out, because I just remembered that I had a homework to be passed the very next day. And it was either cramming for the night, or cramming for the next day. Naturally, I chose the former, so as soon as I got home, I quickly changed into my sleeping attire and got my notes ready.”

“I had my speakers playing a playlist I’ve created at that time too, just so I could be motivated to study.” He adds. “Remember that time I said I _thought _I understood the lesson? Yeah apparently I forgot I kept dozing off that time so while I _do _have complete notes – all miraculously legible for someone who’s about to nap during a math class – I had no idea about how to solve for the first parts of problem. _Yes_, the lesson did in fact, have five parts that you need to look for in order to find the final answer. You know, just like your typical math lessons. So, I was done in the first part since it was already tackled in our past lessons, and as soon as I got to the third part, it was then I knew I was fucked. The said part was crucial for the problem, because if I make a tiny mistake in finding the answer, the graph would be fucked up.”

“_I was confused_, flipping through the pages of my notebooks looking for an answer for the part. I stared at the messy sleepy scrawl on the pages as if it would unscramble itself and give me the answers so I could continue and hopefully get a decent amount of asleep – whatever decent meant anyway. I had my laptop propped open too, and about six tabs were opened just so I could compare equations because for the life of me, I did not get it. How did they get two as the answer, Jisung? _I don’t know, Jisung, maybe they pulled it out of their asses? You should’ve paid more attention to the lesson! _I was _sleepy_, Jisung, fuck you,” Jisung rattled on, proceeding to talk to himself with Changbin’s laughter ringing in the background.

“You would’ve done the same thing anyway, Jisung,” he continued, “you’d nap for the whole time! At least _I _had the decency to try and not fall asleep.”

Changbin’s cackling only got louder.

“Moving on,” Jisung clears his throat, continuing his narration. “It was at that moment I felt like crying, because I was stuck in the third part. I wanted to ask Chris on how to solve it but he wouldn’t reply, probably busy with his own math homework, who knows. I considered asking my good friend Felix for the process, but, he decided it was a good idea to ask me the same question I asked myself: _how do you solve to get the third part_, _because I have no idea_. I applaud your timing, Lix, really. I, too, had no idea. So since Chris was busy, and Felix obviously does not know the answers, I decided to ask someone else.”

“You bothered me until I had no choice but reply.” The older male at the back adds helpfully, and a sock was thrown at him, judging by the curse and the _‘jokes on you this sock is clean and I ran out of extras. I’m keeping this’_ afterwards.

“For your information, you weren’t my first option,” Jisung sneered, “and give me back my sock! I need that!”

“You kept sending me one word messages just a few seconds apart,” his friend replies, “and whatever. Your socks have holes in them anyway.”

“So yeah, I decided to just _fuck it_, and ask Changbin to teach me the process. And, a few minutes, and a few misunderstandings of some idioms later, I finally got the answer. I figured it was smooth sailing from then on, so I went on about, answering the problem regardless of the fact my graph didn’t have a _smooth curve_, as what my past math teacher said. _I hate her by the way; she can choke on a rotten cheese._ So, in the end, I _did _manage to get the perfect score for one problem that took me an hour to complete.”

Changbin scoffs good-naturedly. “It only took you an hour because _I _decided to be a good friend and help you, and because I got guilty when you started to sob during our phone call.”

“I knew my tears would come in handy,” Jisung says smugly, the sound of him patting himself on his own shoulder clear as day, “is this future actor?”

“_Future actor_ my ass,” the older of the two comments, sipping on his drink again, “You’re an ugly crier. You’d creep out your audience.”

“Once again, I am ignoring you. Anyways, moral of the story kids: a fucked up notes means a fucked up answer. Which will lead to a fucked up graph, and which, in turn, will be a fucked up grade, and that is the type of fuck that we do not want in our life. We only want the good stuff; the good fucks that make us see stars.”

“_Jesus C h r i s t, _Jisung,” Changbin wheezed, and it is clear that he had just choked on his drink, “Was that joke really necessary?”

“I don’t know, is _your _commentary on my narrative really necessary?” Jisung ponders like the little shit he is, “and furthermore, didn’t you just finish drinking your orange juice? Is that – are you drinking one of Chris’ _Milo_ stock?”

It was silent for a few seconds.

“Don’t tell Chris.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW playing on my phone while making this was probably the best coincidence that happened in my life. Anyway, our second monthly exam just finished and I still have a lot of things to stress about (I actually go to a private school oof). Catch me making a fic about my predicament lmao. And if you're wondering, this was in fact based on the time I DID cry for an hour while doing my math homework.

**Author's Note:**

> In my defense, mid-terms sucked ass and I lacked impulse control. I have no idea what is going on but I had this in my drafts and thought it was funny as hell so I decided to just,,, yeet and publish this.


End file.
